New Ass Jokes - Page 17 - Worst Jokes Ever

Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

He's a pain in the ass.

Hot water look a**.

Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?

A: Because it tasted like shit.

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.

You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?

Boss: You're fired!

Me: Ok?

Worker: Why are you fired?

Me: Oh, you wanna know...

*shows him the oven with my pizza*

Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!

Worker: OH SHIT!!

Boss: Did you say pizza?

Me: I sure did!

*shows boss pizza in oven*

Me: This hoe black as fuck!

Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!

Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

Maude of ghostposter is a dumb Christian pussy-ass bitch. She's so fucking squeamish it's hilarious, although I hate her.

What is the similarity between women and freezers?

We like to put our meat in them.

What do orphans use to make breakfast? My ass! 🤣🤣

A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"

"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.

Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill.

Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill, "To build this still will take so long."

Jill said to Jack, "Well, f--k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill!"

My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.

My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."