Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
Donkeys are cool.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Can you believe they're still together after everything they've been through?
Who you might ask...
YOUR ASS CHEEKS!
Adriano loves life.
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sister.
Sister who?
My sister's ass.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.
The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”
I will tell you a joke--your life.
I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"
I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"
A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To wipe the chicken's ass!
If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.
Clarm chin ass bou ducky wack wakaka chuck chuyli bingbong DA sauec.
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
