My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
So I went up to a crying kid and asked, "Where's your mommy?"
God, I love working at an orphanage.
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
I saw a kid crying in the corner. I asked them where their parents are. Man, I love working at an orphanage!
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
Why can't orphans fail a test?
Because the teacher is gonna ask their parents to sign it.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
