Ares jokes
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
Are you Wi-Fi? Because I think I am finding a connection.
Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
Autists either believe everything you tell them or are nonstop skeptics. There is no in-between.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Rangers are a joke.
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
Victims of 9/11 are the fastest readers. They went through 94 stories in seconds.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why are women like parking spots?
Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".
How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?
There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."