Ares jokes
You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Why are you gay? Because I said so!
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.
Abdi and Tunde are real.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?
"You are a consequence of rape!"
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
Bro, wait, are cannibals real, though?
Anyway, my joke is if you eat yourself, are you a cannibal?
Think about it, lol. Haha.