Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
