ANS jokes
What are an orphan's least favorite shows?
"Full House" and "Fuller House."
What’s the difference between a parentless child and someone who is fond of unprocessed metals?
One is an orphan, and the other is an ore fan.
Q: What is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?
A: One knows where home is.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him what's wrong, where are your parents? They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
no fucking goddamn way
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
What's the difference between an orphan and Spider-Man?
There's no way home.
Why can't an orphan ever be a criminal?
Because he isn't wanted.