And jokes
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
The unicorn was so much better, and I love it!
Why can’t USA and England play chess?
The USA has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, and I got plane'd.
Memes
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why is England's team unfair in chess?
Because 2 rooks = 10 and a queen = 9.
I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."
Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV when I was watching a show, I waited, and when she finally passed by, Netflix said suggestions: Hulu, and Peacock.
Why were the Twin Towers destroyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni and they got plane.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.