And jokes
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.
Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: The U.S. in 1919!
Memes
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
How would negotiations between Putin and Zelensky play out?
QUEUE THE MUSIC
BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM I KNOW U WANT IT
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
Why was 10 scared? Because it was scared of 9/11. And why did I have to take a fall? I have nothing to do with the big II.