And jokes

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.

What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?

Presentation.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.

What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?

They're cool and chill.

Why was 10 afraid?

Because he was in the middle of 9 and 11.

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"

When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.

Why can't the English play chess? Because they lost their queen. And why can't the US play chess? Because they lost their towers.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

With a poke-poke here,

And a poke-poke there,

Here a poke, There a poke, everywhere a poke-poke!

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

What is your name? What am I pointing at? 👃🏽 And what am I holding? Hahaha!!!!! Knows nothing.