And jokes

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both have special needs.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?

They both only change their pads after every third period!

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......

Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga

YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.