And jokes

What starts with F and ends with uck? Firetruck, what were you thinking?

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?

Both have noses.

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?

The Twin Towers got fucked.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

9/11 jokes aren’t funny.

They always crash and burn.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?

Head and Shoulders.