And jokes

What's brown and in a baby's diaper?

Michael Jackson's hand.

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"

Why do gay men want to eat each other's meat because meat is meat, and man has to eat meat?

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??

Flowers get picked.

What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!

What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?

One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

Why do you only see girls in groups of 3, 5, 7, and 9?

Because they can’t even.

What is something in common with gay people and ambulance trucks?

They both take it out the back and go "woo woo!"