And jokes

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.

The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"

Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"

"Six pounds."

"And shaving?"

"Three pounds."

"Good, then shave my head."

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

Women can't take a joke!

What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.

None.

You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"