And jokes

Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?

Beth-la-ham

When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!

How do you confuse a fish?

Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.

Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?

Answer: A math problem.

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

What did the duck eat for lunch?

Soup and quackers.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.

"Who are you?"

"I am mountain man!"

I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.

Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.