And jokes

What's the difference between me and a rapist?

He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.

She was just 7 years old.

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"

How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?

Because Paul Walker crashed into it.

Why is falone mentally disabled?

Who knows, and quite frankly, who cares?

I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"

She started crying.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

A cheetah and a lion are racing.

The cheetah wins.

The lion says, "You a cheetah!"

The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"

How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.

What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?

They both came from behind and crushed them.

One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.

After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.

So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"

A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?

He doesn’t have legs.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Students: "Meat."

Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon."

Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"

One of the students: "Homework!"

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?

Everyone gets a turn ;)

What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?

Puberty waits for the blow up.

When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”

What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?

Georgie floated!

They told me I'd never be good at poetry.

But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!

Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!