And jokes

Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.

Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.

He won’t stand against the three of us!

What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?

Genocide is racist.

What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?

Her miscarriage.

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?

A: One uses one nail to hang.

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?

B: They're both hot?

A: They're both massive.

Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.

What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"