And jokes

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

What's the difference between orphans and dogs?

Dogs get adopted.

I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled, "Hot wheels!"

What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?

A painting only needs one nail.

I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...

"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."

Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

What do 9/11 and gender have in common?

They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.

What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?

The letter b.

A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it Sum Ting Wong.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One of them is wanted.

Pickup line for gay people:

Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.