And jokes

I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.

They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!

It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?

A: They both come in a little behind.

How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?

Because Paul Walker crashed into it.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white?

Michael Jackson.

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.

Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.