And jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an emo bitch?

The Twin Towers hit the ground.

Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?

... she likes to rock and roll lol.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?

Frostbite!

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.