And jokes

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?

The baseball player knows where home base is.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?

Nothing, they both hang.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"