And jokes

Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

A knife has a point.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!

If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!

what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.

What can change color and get beat up?

You.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”

But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.

Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.

Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.

What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?

The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.