And jokes

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

What the difference between a priest and acne

Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"