And jokes

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

China is as fake as bitches with plastic surgery, and they talk about body positivity.

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

A stoner has papers.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

What did the lawyer name his twins?

COURTney and CASEy.

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"