And jokes

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit."

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.

how to solve world hunger and over population?

Cannibalism.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.

I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”

My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.