And jokes

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know something's gonna happen, I can just feel it.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?

Answer: A chalkboard.

What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?

Very little.

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit."

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.

how to solve world hunger and over population?

Cannibalism.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?