And jokes

what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but they usually crash and burn.

What's the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

A stoner has papers.

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.