And jokes

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

Son: Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!

Mom: Exactly!

How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.

What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.

The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What is purple and whines when it’s squished?

A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?

A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."