And jokes

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

Why were the twin towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same!

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

Son: Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!

Mom: Exactly!

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.

The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

There is no difference.

They both got split open by a huge log.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

What is purple and whines when it’s squished?

A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.