And jokes

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?

Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.

Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

THIS IS A RHYME

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.

Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,

and they had a little fun.

Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.

Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

A Roman walks into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are he he.

Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest's basement.