And jokes

NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.

What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to smash and one is a watermelon.

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do for you? And dinner, dinner, and what, yyyuyy dinner? 🍴 Night time.

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?

What is the difference between a human and a tree?

And walk, walk home, and...

What's 12 inches long and begins with a p?

A shit.

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?

Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table.

I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."

Earlier that day...

Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.

Mission on space.

Mars: Moon? You okay?

Moon:...

Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!

*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*

A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!

One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."

Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?

Never mind, it was needle-ess.

A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.

I don't have any now.

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?

0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.

What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast.