And jokes

I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

Why do gay men and lesbians believe that bisexual men don't exist because there is no such thing as male bisexuality?

Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.

What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

What's the difference between a mole and a priest?

One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.

Lady: I am going to come to your house.

Man: Ok.

An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.

Man: You are going to cum to my house!

And then he fucks her.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.

Me and my cancer

Are like a game of Fortnite.

I’ll never win.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?

Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.

Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 7 feet?

The finish line at the marathon bombing.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.