And jokes

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”

Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”

God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”

What's the difference between Black and White people?

Blacks don't need N-Word Passes.

A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.

I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?

Snowballs.

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.

What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?

Abortion of chips.

What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull in a children's play area.

What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.

How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?

There were an awful lot of red flags!

Slow and steady wins the race...

...but it will never fix your ugly face.

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

What do birds and autistic people have in common?

They both flap their arms.

Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.