And jokes

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.

Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!

Like and comment if you will be my friend!

Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?

Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".

What is the difference between Chinese and Japanese?

Some smile, others beam.

What's the difference between a car and a car?

I have absolutely no idea, sorry.

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

Yo mama so fat, she went outside and became the sun.

Why are apples and orphans the same?

They always get picked on.

POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.

He sucked his sister's poop hole.

There is this girl at school, and she gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.

Why doesn’t she stand up for herself?

What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.