Amativeness jokes

Son: Dad, am I adopted?

Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?

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    • symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?

    symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?

    angela: Because you are the thot of the group.

    symple: Well it takes one to know one.

    symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"

    angela: FUCK OFF!

    I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

    I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

    I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

    Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

    I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

    On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

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    • Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!

    Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

    Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

    This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

    My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

    She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

    Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

    I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?

    Because I am a bully!

    My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.

    My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."

    What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

    Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

    Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"