A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says “that is mother teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied”. “There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s?” Ask’s the man. Jesus answers “it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan.”
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How many fingers am I holding? I'm not HOLDING any fingers.
My mom told me ̈YOU SON OF A B!TCH. ̈ i told her ̈i may be a son of a b!ch butat least i am not the bitch ̈. she hated me forever.
I have depression, and am suicidal nobody knows tho, lets joke about that lol
Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
I can cry but I don't have eyes i can fly but i don't have wings who am i?
A cloud
My Mother: Wanna hear the song Chloe your the one I want on pandora? Meh: No I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it. Mom: don't talk back to meh like that young lady. Me/ someone else? - -gets silent in da room- Brother: yea this song is very annoying but maybe better than the Chelsea song. Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?
what did the funny bone say to the skin your not humeris i am
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
My dad drove past a graveyard he said “I won’t be buried there.” I asked why. He said “Because I am not dead yet”
I watched the series of unfortanet events 4 times all the shows 4 times, : me -crying - I am trying to finish the rest then my brother comes in and says it is PG, ( parent guidens) after that.... My brother called me a bAby then he pushed me off my bed.😭
hi this is Chloe and i am about to tell you about my joke . why did the cow cross the road because to get to the other side.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do u call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do u call it life?
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two police men use one gun🙆
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS". Bill Says, "Ok". The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it..It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
One day, there are Friends having fun, hours later one of the friends Alice, wanted to leave and say *cya guys am just gonna hangin in the tree and have some fresh air* and they all agree hours go by and the group of friends are ready to go home but then seen a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
A chair came to life and said I'm alive, I said yes I know I am
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store acorns for winter so now I am dead" haha it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
Listen my friends say i am gay but i tell them i am not because i am not happy in fact i have no life you are my friend i trust you with my life know can you take it
I am a fruitcake. Why? Because I’m fruity and nutty. That’s the joke. Tada.
