Always jokes

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?

Because he was always sitting on the job.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"

School Rizz:

You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

Women will always be superior to men. After all, they are FEmale (Fe - iron, male - man).

Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play has a cast.

Why don’t rappers tell secrets?

Because they always end up DROPPING it.

Why do disabled people make good golfers?

Because they're always handicapped.

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?

“Because they always wanted a daddy.”

My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.

Why are there so few Arab soldiers? Because they always commit suicide on their first day.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

People who wannabe rich and famous rappers should always look at Tekashi 6ix9ine, and learn what not to do.

What do people with cancer always want to watch?

"Finding Chemo."