Always jokes
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.
Just to test their patients.
Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?
Nukes are bright.
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
Which falls faster, a feather or an emo?
A feather, because the emos are always hanging in.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
Why you should never borrow money from dwarves?
Because they are always short! 😁😁😁😁
Why are Mexicans good at Uno?
They always steal the green card.
Why does a deaf kid always like football? He gets signed.
What Pokémon is always disappointed? Wynaut.
Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.
Orphan: Realizes.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.