All Jokes

I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!

Jokers are all about the delivery.

Except abortion jokes...

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.

"Knife to meet you all!"

The image shows the back of a brown hoodie. The design on the back has a stylized American flag with red stripes and a text saying 'All faster than dialing 911' written in white. To the right, there is a list of bullet calibers next to their respective bullet shape.

Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all Crips. (sorry)

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

Why do orphans love chips?

Because they're all family sized.

Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)