All Jokes

Why are birds good at social media?

Because they "tweet" all the time!?

I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

This is whats going to happen to all the junior high girls on here.

A text message conversation shows one person stating, "I stopped a woman getting kidnapped today." The other person replies, "Really?! How?" and the response is "Self control". Below the text is a drawing of a man with an open-mouthed, surprised expression with his arms outstretched, palms up and the caption says "hold up."

Why do orphans love chips?

Because they're all family sized.

Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all Crips. (sorry)

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.

"Knife to meet you all!"

All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.

Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.