All jokes
All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
Memes
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
Why do orphans love chips?
Because they're all family sized.
Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.
Father: Guns cause all these problems!
Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*
Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y
Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all Crips. (sorry)
"Knife to meet you all!"
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.
They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...