All jokes

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.

I love all races, even the bad ones.

What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

What movie do all orphans find relatable?

Spiderman: No Way Home.

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!