All jokes

What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?

Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

What movie do all orphans find relatable?

Spiderman: No Way Home.