Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
Those rape alarms give you a headache don't they?
Yo mama so dumb she thaugh tiktok was an alarm setup
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off
The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming. She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭
man: hi doc, i have a problem. i take a shit at 6:00am every morning. doc: whats wrong with that. man: i dont wake up until 8:00am
there's a kid with loads of new fire men equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kids asks the firemen come have a look at my new gear so the fire men go look at his gear so then the kid says kid: I've got a helmet a big jacket and a oxygen tank and a little wheel barrow for my gear
firemen says: why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls the kid says so I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Are you a fire alarm because your loud and annoying
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out? The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock? So he could wake up inside
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store the tea bag section had been ransacked. Luckily they found the thief Pionel Pessi with boxes of his favourite tea,Penaltea. Shame on you Pessi.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm. Optimistic
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you then they wake you up and say let’s team up like wtf
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
How do you kill time
Easy taking alarm clock and an assault rifle
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6AM but wake up at 7AM. And it's not even a joke.
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out the classroom the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
