Aed jokes
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Chuck Norris once stared a basilisk in the eye, and it DIED!
Uranus is a gas giant.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Chuck Norris and Time had a race.
Result: Time is still running...
Lol, I have a teeny black dick.
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.
But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f
... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.