Aed jokes

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)

Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.

What has 10 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

One day a cow ate a fish.

What came out the other side?

A dead fish.

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?

Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?

A. Neither does R. Kelly.

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

My bro said food was cool. So I threw a piece of cool chicken at him. For some reason, he hit me, OOF.

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

What's a convict's favorite song?

"I want to break free."

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Once a blonde, always a blonde. 😂