Aed jokes
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
Why did the crows form a charity?
Because it's all for good caws!
What's a dog's dream car? A Dachshund 240Z.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
My life is a joke.
You a cunt.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.