Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Adult Jokes
Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
Kid: Hey, why am I an orphan?
Adult: I don't know, ask your parents.
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
Why did the squirrel swim on his back?
To keep his nuts dry.
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
What is the origin of the glory hole?
The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.
"Black midget porn is in 911."
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?
He said “Wynaut.”
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
