Actuality jokes
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?
The apples actually get picked.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Why do you play Call of Duty?
I actually don't know.
The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.
Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"
The kid replied, "I'm not sad."
Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
When I tell people my girlfriend's packin', they always think she's really good with a gun.
She's actually transgender and on the waiting list for surgery.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?