Actuality jokes
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?
The apples actually get picked.
Why do you play Call of Duty?
I actually don't know.
The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.
Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"
The kid replied, "I'm not sad."
Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
What do you call an orphan who likes football?
Because someone will actually give him something.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually came back...
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.