What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
5 Cobra Kai Facts:
1: Johnny = Daniel
2: Miguel > Robby
3: Miyagi Do = Eagle Fang
4: Chozen and Daniel > Kreese and Silver
5: Tory is actually a good person.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
What do you call an orphan who likes football?
Because someone will actually give him something.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
