Actuality jokes
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?
The apples actually get picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Why do you play Call of Duty?
I actually don't know.
The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.
Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"
The kid replied, "I'm not sad."
Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
5 Cobra Kai Facts:
1: Johnny = Daniel
2: Miguel > Robby
3: Miyagi Do = Eagle Fang
4: Chozen and Daniel > Kreese and Silver
5: Tory is actually a good person.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.