Actuality jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
Memes
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually came back...
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What do you call an orphan who likes football?
Because someone will actually give him something.
5 Cobra Kai Facts:
1: Johnny = Daniel
2: Miguel > Robby
3: Miyagi Do = Eagle Fang
4: Chozen and Daniel > Kreese and Silver
5: Tory is actually a good person.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.