Actuality jokes
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."
What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?
The apples actually get picked.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
Why do you play Call of Duty?
I actually don't know.
The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.
Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"
The kid replied, "I'm not sad."
Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
5 Cobra Kai Facts:
1: Johnny = Daniel
2: Miguel > Robby
3: Miyagi Do = Eagle Fang
4: Chozen and Daniel > Kreese and Silver
5: Tory is actually a good person.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually came back...
What do you call an orphan who likes football?
Because someone will actually give him something.
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?
I actually come back with the milk.