Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.
Guess what my plans are for the weekend? Suing the NYCDOE for blocking (probably) WEBTOONS.com.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it access the road
It got stuck in a crack
African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"
Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."
African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*
The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
How does a tree access the internet?
By logging in and branching out!
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
