Access jokes
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.
I gave an orphan an iPhone with no home button.
Guess what my plans are for the weekend? Suing the NYCDOE for blocking (probably) WEBTOONS.com.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"
Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."
African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*
The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
How does a tree access the internet?
By logging in and branching out!
Is anyone else on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop?
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.
Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X?
"It has no home button."
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his 4G ran out!
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have their parent's email.