Absence jokes
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
What does an orphan call a family portrait?
A selfie.
Do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
The "f" in orphan stands for family.
Except there is no "f."
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because dad never came back with the milk.
What issues don't orphans have?
Daddy issues.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.