Absence jokes
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow! What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Stephen Hawking missed assembly this morning.
What do you call a selfie of an orphan?
A family photo.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
Why do orphans have cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
What is an orphan's least favorite song? We Are Family.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
Why are orphans always sad?
Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.
Why can't orphans have family time?
They don't have a family.