School shooting happens* Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk* American student: "First time?"
Shower thoughts
The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead, I scratched it off and won a fucking ford focus!
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
i told my friend that there was a tree. on that tree there were four black chickens, I said how many beaks do the chickens have, he said four. then I said there was a white cat, how many teeth does it have? he couldn't answer, so I said looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy
What’s George floyd’s favorite color? Neon black