What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
Shower thoughts
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?
Pretty nuts!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.