Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Shower thoughts
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
Orphans get family-sized chips for free.
What is a black person's least favorite word game?
Hangman.
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
Who lives under the sea?
Malaysia flight 370.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.