Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
Shower thoughts
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower? slicker hair back she looks 15
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? Squirtle
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car? 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back
What can’t a black person say to a police officer
Thanks for the warning
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.