Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
GG Miller
@ggmiller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You're so bald, I rub your head to see into the future.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!
You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!
Yo mamma is so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?