GG Miller

Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.

“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.'

Your forehead is so big your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.

Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.

Your forehead is so big your entire face is on your chin.

I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly none of them work.

What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Jack and Jill went up the hill So Jack could lick her candy

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock

Because Jill's real name was Randy

You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.

Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.