GG Miller

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.'

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.

Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”

No sun.

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.

Because Jill's real name was Randy.

Your forehead is so big, your entire face is on your chin.

You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly none of them work.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.